Being out six weeks now with a broken ankle, a fall at work has produced disastrous results for my life here in Haines. Six weeks after the fall, I am now still waiting for word from the clinic in Juneau to merely get scheduled for supposedly needed surgery, which, all said and done is going to cost me many more weeks of recovery, possibly totaling 16 weeks of time spent on my ass and not working to make house payments, catching fish for the winter, and cutting much needed firewood. All can be done now is to surrender to the Universe at large and hope this will all work out somehow. This experience has caused a great deal of pain and psychological suffering that seems to be a great and unbearable burden. That said, I am grateful nonetheless. It has allowed me the time to come to terms what my goals in this life really are… Although it seems I have known them all along. Not sure what the immediate or near, or even mid range effects this will have, but a struggle is at hand now. I will keep the faith. I have held off on sharing this with facebook friends… It is in my face… luckily, the woods still speak a soft poem to me…
Life is never a notion to be expected of. There are always going to be mysteries that lie ahead. As Thoreau wrote some time back, “If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”
I have taken heed to this in recent years, but the challenges of daily life make hard to grasp at times. I try, I really do, but every once in a while, I get derailed, severely. I have a tendency to take on the loathing of life and I must say, it does not serve me. Or anyone else. So what is the point. The philosophical notion that we are all guaranteed a possibility of well being and happiness is true, but it is not a notion that can be expected without refrain. We must believe it. And believe it to it’s core. That is where I have fallen short. I want to believe, I want to gain from this notion’s laying of everlasting gratitude and sense that a world might emerge that will provide for all. Alas, I do not see this all the time. Instead, I often see a world of pain and suffering amongst humans and animals that is unspeakable. I try hard to be positive, but it is unwaveringly difficult. My petty situation is but one of minor inconvenience. There are are larger difficulties at hand. How can the human race intend on providing for itself, when it cannot provide for the remainder of the planet. As humans, we possess the undeniably holy gift of thought and perception above and beyond that of the rest of the natural world, and as of yet, we have not even begun to harness this power. God is not what I speak of, but instead a sense of ourselves and the world surrounding us at large. This is what is important to me.
My struggles at current time are merely a reflection of what the rest of Humanity are going through. These are the most trying times in history of both Human civilization and therefore the natural world. This I know. Technology and it’s Human dependence prove it. Peering out the back door of my home, I see an entire world that the bulk of Humanity does not recognize. It is there, it always has been. Hopefully, it always will be.